throughout these past couple of months, i’ve had the joy of spending a few hours every day with a little boy who’s company never fails to make me smile.  he’s a great wee kid, only 6 years old, who suffers from dyspraxia (aka clumsy child syndrome).  i didn’t, and still don’t, know much about it so over the past while i have been reading more about dyspraxia and to be honest, every time i read more, this condition breaks my heart a little more.

a brief vague description of dyspraxia is significant motor co-ordination and perceptual processing difficulties but they retain normal intelligence.  yet, the bit that gets me is the ‘hidden’ nature of it and the unbelieveable impact it has on a child.  their wee self-esteem takes such a blow day after day because they know they can’t do it what everyone around them does.

i just want to share how a little boy who lives with dyspraxia feels, and to help others see how hard their wee lives are…written by Ben Cooper, aged 10, called “My Life”:

“i get up in the morning,
my head’s in a spin.
i don’t want to get up,
don’t want the day to begin.

i have my breakfast,
i make a mess.
i have a wash,
then it’s time to dress.

it takes me ages
to get myself dressed.
my clothes go on wrong,
though i try my best.

my mum takes me to school.
i go off to my class,
i struggle through my work -
i wish the time would pass.

my writing is messy,
my drawings are too.
i don’t like my paintings,
i wish i was like you.

i go outside at playtime,
no one will play with me
because i can’t run fast enough.
i wish i was watching tv.

i wish my life wasn’t this hard,
i wish it was more fun.
i wish nobody laughed at me -
i’d like a friend, just one.

i’d like to play more sports
but i’m never picked for teams.
i wish i could be better
like i am in my dreams.

tomorrow might be a nicer day,
i hope i make a friend.
i’d like to be more lucky,
i wish unhappiness would end.”

(poem taken from How to understand and support children with dyspraxia)

it just breaks my heart to know that there’s wee people who are in such pain and unhappiness…and i just hope that i bring some happiness to my wee boy’s day.

it feels like forever ago now but still getting used to this new life!  i’ve had a very fun year-ish of trying on white dresses, looking through countless magazines, learning many news flowers, picking denby, running in and out of debenhams, buying beds and sofas, colouring in every individual invitation and order of services, writing thank you cards and most of all, feeling hugely overwhelmed by people’s continuous and unbelieveably generousity.  i think for me, that is the biggest thing i have learnt and recognised throughout our engagement and even still ongoing.  i can never never express how grateful i am and how much it is so appreciated.

there have been many many good moments over the past months and i am loving life right now.  i am loving settling into married life, figuring how to clean a house, cook meals and decorate a house.  but it’s fun!!

so here’s a few snapshots of some of 2009’s highlights:

spending some fun times with special people in a special place…

some hen hen hen hen…

some life changing-ness…

my first american adventure…

it’s been a year i’ll never forget…and there’s still 3 months left!!!

sarah dickinson is now sarah hill….

there’s sometimes in life when something just shakes your foundations…  when you hear or see something takes you by surprise and all of a sudden you find yourself standing in a place of insecurity and uncertainity.  when you’re unsure of whether the person you see in the mirror is the true you, or if the reflection which the people around you see is the true you.  when you try to make people happy and make yourself miserable.  when your just trying hard and it’s just not good enough.  when simple things become complicated.  when things you say are taken the wrong way.  when you realise people think the worst of you, even when all you want to do is make them proud.  sometimes i get confused as to what people see when they look at me.  and it makes me wonder – is the person i see myself as actually who i am?  or am i looking at myself through rose-coloured glasses and is what others say about me the truth?

this film has re-inspired me..

one line of the film caught me so much:

” you don’t know nothing.  you don’t know what we gotta do.  you have us in here teaching us this grammer, and then we’ve got to go out there again… and what are you telling me about that eh?!  what are you doing in here that makes a damn difference to my life?? “

what am i doing that is making a damn bit of difference to people’s lifes?

“In search of brighter days, I ride through the maze of the madness,
Struggle is my address, where pain and crack lives,
Gunshots comin’ from sounds of Blackness,
Given this game with no time to practice,
Born on the Black list, told I’m below average,
A life with no cabbage,
That’s no money if you from where I’m from,
Funny, I just want some of your sun,
Dark clouds seem to follow me,
Alcohol that my pops swallowed bottled me,
No apology, I walk with a boulder on my shoulder,
It’s a Cold War – I’m a colder soldier,
Hold the same fight that made Martin Luther the King,
I ain’t usin’ it for the right thing,
In between Lean and the fiends, hustle and the schemes,
I put together pieces of a Dream
I still have one

I got a dream, we’re gonna work it out…

…My dream is to be free.”

- a dream, Common

here’s the trailor for the film…

just home from a day spent up at the North Coast. KerryAnn has a couple of folks over from another country and so she’s been taking them on sightseeing tours of beautiful Northern Ireland! so there were a few of us when with her today for the banter!

it was such a great day – just to hang out with friends, walk and talk loads, laugh loads and eat good food. just really reminded me about how much i’ve got to be thankful for…they are a great bunch of friends who inspire me so much…they would do absolutely anything for you and totally inspire me in their walk and relationship with God, as well as their general attitude to and in life. i’d the privilege of spending a lot of time with them last year when i lived nearby and to be honest, they’ve each shaped me in new ways and i suppose i’ve forgotten it over the past year

so my lil lesson from today is that i’ve begun to take life way too much for granted, and not been able to see past some stuff in order to realise the abundance of good things God has blessed me with…and i need to be far more thankful each and every day….and i’m sorry for not being a more thankful person over the past while…

thank You Lord…from deep in my heart…thank You…

here’s a wee video and some photos of some of the day’s banter…

I know I know….I should be doing my report…but I got a little distracted and thought I’d post a blog about the man who has once of the most amazing voices I’ve ever heard….he’s wonderful…

Ladies and Gentlemen… Michael Buble…

holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that’s why i sing

…my prayer…

i was planning to write a blog just before i go to sleep and i was planning on it being a positive take on life as it is now in this week, even though i could complain. but, i’m not now. cuz now i just want to complain, so i’m not going to…too much. just ever had one of those days were life just sucks…when you think your doing what’s right and trying to retrieve something out of a crap situation, when in fact, what you’ve done now is wronger than before…and you upset people on both side…even though every bit of it was all out of your control. sums up my tues 4 march…which just got even better 5mins ago! or not.

but, on the other hand…today is tuesday. which means tomorrow is wednesday, and i like wednesdays.

wednesdays are the nights i get to chill out with Rick. i really appreciate him. a lot of times i take him for granted, but when i need a hug he’s there.

so i’m going to sleep and let another crappy tuesday end, and hope for a brighter wednesday. xx

i remember as a child trying to be daddy’s little girl and watching Spurs matches. but only ever on tv. but as i grew, my mum told me a was too much of a tomboy and stopped me watching, plus dad began to work to hard and stopped watching the full matches. i thought my days of liking football were over!

then along came rick. probably the most hilariously competitive, football loving boy (besides jonny)! so i was immediately “subjected” to watching match of the day or being told “we can’t go out tonight cuz the football’s on” or he’s at the match and i’m told “make sure you’re watching”. throughout these 7 years and this type of harrassment, i’ve managed to begin to like watching match of the day 2 (the too good too bad is great!!), don’t normally mind match of the day, and i’ve even managed to get to a friendly Northern Ireland match which i really enjoyed. but really, it’s only after yesterday that i really have begun to actually fall in love with football. and not only that, i had the priviledge of watching rick’s happiness that not only did one of his dreams to go to a Spurs match come true, but also to see them win (there’s only one keano! – did you know that his goal was his 100th for Tottenham…epic!) it was honestly the best day of my life so far!! in the words of rick, the day was like so:

“an early breakfast in wetherspoons, walking round the stadium, buying sarah a spurs shirt, a dodgy and greasy lunch in the hotspur cafe (!), the match itself, all the random photographs, sarah getting near enough stripped searched at random by the anti-terrorism branch, the result, all the walking, the meat platter i had for dinner, the random questions game, the nice relaxing late night dessert, match of the day, sleep.”

it was great!! and i got my first ever football shirt! love it! can’t wait to go back some day!!

to dare is to do…

life’s a funny thing. i just realised tonight how life can just alter completely due to one day…like the birth of a baby. it totally changes everything. wedding. job interview. moving away to uni. death. and just how much these things have impact on people around you too.

i was talking to my someone last week on the phone who i genuinely haven’t verbally talked to in about a year…or more! the odd text…but that’s been it. and i realised, i miss her voice in my life. and she isn’t the only voice i miss. people who i think back on who had a voice and had a say in my life, just barely don’t anymore. even people who i would have called a close friend.

i’m not sure i like this whole drifting thing. just drifting from being close to one person, and then another…wherever life drags you to be and the people around you in that. i was once told a friendship was for a time and season. i get times and seasons as it is biblical, but for people who have had a real impact, or been a support, or just carried a special place in your heart, is this a good enough answer to the apparent “drifting apart”? i guess i’m trying to figure if an ended or drifted friendship is something which glorifies God and makes Him smile. if it’s an unhealthy friendship, then i can see that it’s something God has. but if it’s a friendship which has been sharpening, like Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend”, then, are we just taking a half-assed approach to friendships?

but then…life does get really busy, working full-time definitely limits things.  so how are friendships maintained over time?

hmmm. what does it really mean to be journeying with people? what does it mean to live in community with those around you? and how do these work with the changing pace and rhythm of life? i guess loneliness has it’s time, and as a friend of mine said a while ago, “it might be that we go through those lonely times so we appreciate the company better”.

“even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall” Isaiah 40:30