so i haven’t blogged in quite a while. with the lack of a working internet, i was just about getting on long enough to check my emails before it stopped working. but as of today, we have a working broadband…which is amazing.

i guess over the past few months i’ve been finding things quite tough. i’ve been struggling with some specific stuff but, i suppose just generally been finding life hard. i’ve been trying to take life less seriously in the regard of just chilling out about stuff more. but the more i sit in an office working, the more my mind continually wanders to others. i think about people whose lives are really tough – lack of food, no money, parents dead from aids or other illness or lack of care, homeless, orphans, alcoholics, drug addicts…how is what i’m doing day in and day out helping them? how is what i do making a difference? they need someone, they need God, and i just feel so helpless. i want my life to count. i want my life to share God’s love and hope with those who really find life so so hard. those little kids who just don’t know what being loved means. those teenagers whose initial reaction when they find life getting tough is drink, drugs or suicide. there is so many people in this world, even in this country, who need help. and i’m not sure where graphic design fits into this.

i know i love it. but i know i love people more. i know God’s given me it and wants to use it. but i know He wants to preach good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, release from darkness for the prisoners,to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (isa 61)

something about these verses just grasp me. and since i bought Foy Vance’s album (which is awesome!!)…the two songs on that which have just made me think and i guess have really started to put growth on foundations lay through Worship Ireland are Gabriel and the Vagabond and Indiscriminate Acts of Kindness. both things talked about in both songs are so simple. speaking hope into one guy’s life, and giving a girl a room for the night even tho she couldn’t pay for it. around 100 people on our doorsteps will commit a misdemeanour just to get into prison for Christmas simply for a bed, heat, food and company. prison. why is this happening when church halls/churches/youth rooms/whatever else rooms lie empty?

i don’t know if i’m being unreasonable or thinking too much about this, i probably am, but something in me just aches for these people. for the Ali’s, Ra’s, Jerry and Kelly’s…i have no idea where they or anyone else i’ve met are or whether they are ok. but i’ve no idea how to help other than pray. but there’s still a big part of me while praying wonders if i can be the answer to my own prayers.

i know helping in masses is probably not reasonable, but within a classroom is, within a drop in centre is… “in small ways with big love”.

i don’t know, i guess i’ve just been spending a lot of time thinking about life and where i fit into it. i’m still searching and wondering. but it still rings true, i want earth to meet heaven through me.